When I got out of the military, back in 1996, I moved back into my parents house for a short time. I remember one Saturday evening I happened to be home & I sat down at the kitchen table & started watching television. Oh wait, not that I put on or changed the tv to a program I wanted to watch… no, no,no; the television was already on. You see, the TV in the kitchen belonged to my mom, or better said it was the TV my mom watched the most while she was doing well, everything. In fact, outside of my dad, no one ever changed the channel once my mom put it on, at least not without permission anyway. It’s funny how this was universally understood to be the way it was even though the TV wound up watching my mom more than my mom ever watched it. Any busy mom can relate to this I’m sure.

But I will never forget this particular Saturday. Now I do not remember the date or why I was even home to begin with, however, I do remember that it was before my oldest son was born or even a thought so late 1997 maybe. I sat down & started to watch this movie that my mom had on (but wasn’t watching like usual) & before long & for reasons that to this day I cannot explain I really got into it. In fact, I got into it so much that I never saw the knockout punch the movie was getting ready to deliver & when it did it caught me so off-guard that not only did I stop watching it but I immediately turned off the TV (something I was not accustomed to doing, remember this is my mom’s tv) because I could not get passed this one scene which broke me down to the point where I had to get up & go to the bathroom to compose myself because I could not stop crying. & when I say crying I don’t mean tears simply coming down my face, I mean crying to the point of almost hyperventilating. Yes it was that serious.

For those wondering what the name of the movie was, it’s really not important. What is remarkable to me, however, is that no other movie before or since has ever done that to me again & I have seen plenty of movies since then that I would consider much sadder than that one. Still, I have yet to ever finish this movie. I refuse to watch it. Though to be frank, I don’t think it would have the same affect on me now as it did on that day.

The reason I shared this story is because it wasn’t until years later (after I started writing) that I made the connection thinking, “somebody wrote that movie. Awesome!” So if nothing else, even if I never get anywhere with my writing, my goal is to be able to consistently captivate an audience one day with my words in the same way that movie captivated me.

Maybe I should write more often
About the way I think & feel
Maybe then my stance will soften
As I lay bare all things concealed
Maybe unloading is the answer
Weight off my chest seems so ideal
Maybe suppressing everything like a cancer
Has weighed me down & zapped my zeal
Maybe I’ve been diluting myself
Throughout all these years with all of my spiel
Maybe my words should’ve stayed on the shelf
Next to my emptiness which I have kept sealed
Maybe it has cost me a friend or two
As it has scripted me out to play the role of a heel
Maybe this smoke screen that I’m selling you
Is just me pretending to be even keel
Maybe my pride has blinded me through
My own spiraling down as I continue to reel
Maybe I’m unraveling fast & coming unglued
Like a staggering drunk when behind the wheel
Maybe these words I won’t share at all
For there’s no moral victory, in my reveal
Maybe I’ll post them upon my wall
To regret them like Health Care, then try to repeal
Maybe it’s too late for me, my time’s come and gone
Like a death row inmate, having one final meal
Confessing my sins but I’ve waited too long
Kicking & screaming but having no more appeals
Maybe I’ll approach, my God in prayer
Bow my head, close my eyes & make sure I kneel
Maybe my guilt thinks it’s selfish, unfair
Though I know he’s the only one who truly knows my ordeal
Maybe I’m trapped like fish on a hook
That quickly gets caught and thrown in a creel
Maybe I fear that when you take a look
You will expose who I’m not with each layer peeled
Maybe I can play like a thief or a crook
Like a snatcher of purses honing in for the steal
Maybe you’ll read me like a big open book
As I hopeless look on pretending this isn’t real
Maybe like an animal that’s violently shook
Like a pig for the slaughter I’ll squawk and I’ll squeal
Or maybe unscathed I’ll get back what you took
Escaping your judgement, this is all to surreal
Maybe…forget it! I’m not ready for this!
I’m not willing to let you in on “my deal!”
Maybe, but at least to myself I’ll admit
Until I let it all out I won’t start to heal

Mirror, mirror, what do you see?
My reflection of course, how silly of me
Myself in “reverse” yet reserved comfortably
In my “backwardness” never realizing I’m as lost as can be
Brilliant I am with my “Clueless” degree
That I earned from “My Life’s” University
“I’m always right!” so arrogant and naive
A powerful illusion, I taught myself to believe
Anger and frustration is all I’ve come to achieve
My wisdom perverse though no one has perceived
My foolishness preserved but I won’t concede
That the man in the mirror is the only one I’ve deceived
My reflection is screaming for any kind of reprieve
From the hold of depression who refuses to leave
Much recognition he deserves, true indeed
For my characteristics & mentality
For bringing on out my worst naturally
For shaming me about my disability
For showing the world my instability
For my dysfunctional grip on reality
You’ve ingrained all my flaws to such a degree
No clue where to turn to try and retrieve
The good things I was or ever could be
You’ve stolen and hidden under locks with no keys
So I am left to pick up the pieces to try and relieve
This pain that’s so deep it won’t allow me to receive
Help, to reclaim what I so desperately need
A clean slate, a new mirror and my “Identity”

Surprise, surprise, I write once more
From deep in the basement outside Heavens’ Doors
Armageddon near at hand yet still I choose to ignore
Your warnings for the earth and the horrors in stored
You can still save me if I would come back and restore
The faith I once had when I use to explore
Your Word!, The Bible, but unlike before
My zeal is now zero right down to my core
A burden to my soul its become all a bore
Even worse, I admit that at times I deplore
My conscience I’ve stripped, I’m spiritually poor
Not even lukewarm, just cold: I’ve lost track of the score
Salvation old friend I am no longer yours
You ask me to come back, I ask you “what for?”
I’m reeling from indifference and of the one thing I’m sure
Is that I don’t want to run in this race anymore
My spiritual annihilation has now come to the fore
As I’ve cast out Salvation with a resounding gore
Now comforted by hatred and reeking of destruction galore
Eerie how with death I have formed this rapport

Ironic how disloyalty has now changed my decor
A new friend, disobedience, now sleeps on my floor
Unthankfulness Hi-fives me with every meal served and drink poured
A slave to sin I’ve become, misinformed, self-absorbed
What happened to the breastplate of righteousness I once wore?
To the large shield of faith that once seeped through my pores?
To the helmet of salvation that kept me safe without sores?
To the sword of the spirit that had me prepared for the war?
All replaced by my haughtiness like an eagle that soars
Reducing your Word to old stories, folklore
I gave Satan an inch and through all my defenses he tore
Leaving me battered and bruised like a 5$ whore!
So badly beaten I’d almost forgotten the Lore
Of how I can come back to you if I would simply implore
But I’ve done this dance already, let’s see how many times, 4
So I prefer to take solace with the evil that I’m supposed to abhor
Insignificant I’ve become reduced to the likeness of a spore
With Satans’ blinders on, never realizing that among wolves I’m the lone boar
Being led to the hungry lion that I cannot hear roar
All by myself sinking on this boat without oars

Fellas quick question…“what makes a female a hoe?”

This was a status posted up earlier in the week by a female on my Facebook page & it is a very interesting question to say the least.

Now before I give my answer to this very volatile question I will note for the record that I touched on this subject briefly with the woman who made the post when & I have also had this conversation with a few of my other female friends recently. To be clear, I am not linking the post she put up to our conversation because her post was specific in that she was asking for her son. But since she brought it up & I since I have had the conversation again after she & I spoke, & also since I wrote a similar post on this topic last week, I felt the need to express my opinion on this question now.

So what makes a female a hoe? I’ll be the first to admit that I am guilty of either calling a woman a hoe, referring to a woman as a hoe, gossiping about women who I perceived as hoes, etc., etc. Even as recent as 2 years ago I kept with “Society’s” norms in my thinking that any female who sleeps around is a hoe.

But then I began to take a closer look. & when I was done taking a closer look I took an even closer l👀k again. & after some serious analyzation & self-reflection I have a completely different perspective. So going forward, when asked or if I have found myself in a conversation where a (specific) woman or women in general are being referred to as hoes, for whatever the reason might be, I either step out of the conversation or give as an answer what I’m about to say now.

So again what makes a female a hoe? The answer is NOTHING! Nothing makes a woman a hoe. I don’t care if she has slept around with over 20, 30, 40+ men. I don’t care if she has multiple baby daddies, if she is in the sex industry, into prostitution, if she is a stripper/go go dancer, no matter what her sexual history may be, she is not a hoe. She is not a slut, nor a skank, nor a whore, nor a thot, nor a hussy, nor a tramp, nor a trollop, nor a harlot, nor a floozy, nor a tart, nor a vamp, nor a doxy & so on & so forth. She is none of those things & any man who wants to put a label on a woman’s promiscuity or perceived promiscuity should also be willing (& mind you, I include myself in this because like i said, I am just as guilty of having done this as the next guy) to put the label on themselves & men in genral as pieces of shit & here’s why.

A lot of men shame women into believing they are hoes because of their sexual habits without ever realizing that everything in life comes full circle, & women “sleeping around” can be placed at our feet. After all what are they doing that they aren’t seeing us do? But of course we as men would never see it that way because that would require self-reflection & accountability.

But let me ask you men: How many women become promiscuous because at some point in their lives they were raped (usually by A MAN!) & they hate men & have no sense of self-worth because their dignity is gone? Do you know the answer? I’ll wait.

Or even worse, how many women suffer the indignity & ultimate betrayal of being preyed upon or worse raped from an early age by men who are supposed to protect them from all harm including sexual predators such as fathers or uncles. I’ll wait for the answer to this one too.

Don’t get me wrong, not all women grow up with something extreme like this happening to them & I understand that. Instead, many just grow up without a dad in their lives because a man either chose never to be there for them or at some point just walked away. So where were you dad when it came time to teach your daughter how to respect herself, when it came time to teach her how to make sure boys respect her while she was growing up. Why weren’t you around for her to see, by your actions, how a woman, like her mom, her aunts, her grandmothers, (especially your relationship with your mom) other women in her life should be treated, with dignity & respect? So we failed to set the example here & wonder why women with daddy issues grow up & seek relationships with older men.

Now for those who say, there are women who didn’t have any of these issues growing up & still became hoes starting as early as middle school. My reply to you is what makes girls any different from us. Were they not going through puberty like us? Were their hormones not all out whack same as us? Were they not going to explore the opposite sex & what it all meant? Find someone they like & do things with that person same as us? Besides let’s be honest, if girls weren’t putting out in high school or if their was a perception of them that they were prudes none of us guys would have given them the time of day. So a girl was damned if she did or damned if she didn’t. & not doing so could sometimes be a lot worse & possibly get a girl labeled a social outcast.

& for those who want to say she’s a hoe because she lied about such & such being the father of her kid(s) for years knowing it was someone else’s or at the very least knowing that it could’ve potentially been someone else’s but didn’t say anything, I would argue that it is just as bad when a guy has a family with a woman & then goes out & has another kid(s) behind her back & keeps it a secret.

& how about the men who want to judge a woman for having multiple baby daddies. Let me ask ourselves guys: Do you think women set out to have multiple baby daddies? Do you think they sit their & plan that out? I talked a little bit about this on the last post I put up & I’ll repeat it again here. Many women wind up having multiple sex partners not because that was their plan (unlike men who are told to sleep around with as many women as you can until you find the right one to settle down with, women aren’t taught to be promiscuous. They are taught to not give it up to just anyone) but because they wind up giving their hearts away to men who didn’t have any interest in being with them or they did but the relationships ended up not working out. Guys never get judged for moving on to a new relationship so why should women be?

& I dont even want to hear about prostitutes or call girls or whatnot when there would be no such industries if men weren’t out there paying for those services. So please, let’s not even go here.

With 8 billion people on the planet I’m sure there are other reasons why women indulge in their sexual appetites. Don’t know what they all are nor would I list them all here if I did.

But one thing that has been nagging at me especial of MINORITY MEN is this: Specifically for my Spanish & Black brothers. The same way we’re tired of seeing black unarmed men shot in the street by white cops with no repercussions, the same way we are tired of seeing people being deported & families split up because the current president of our country is a monster, the same way we say white people don’t get why it’s black lives matter not all lives matter, the same way we say white people don’t understand what we mean when we say “white privilege”, the same way we know these things are a form of discrimination & cause division: well we are displaying that same discrimination toward women when we call them hoes. It is the same behavior. So on top of our minority women dealing with the same issues we have to deal with when it comes to racism & what not, they have the added bonus of being discriminated again by us & our labeling of them as hoes which is beyond hypocritical especially when we men are out here doing 10 times worse & we know it. Just something to think about.

One last time, what makes a female a hoe? The answer, in my opinion, (an opinion to be fair that I’ve only reached in the last 2 years maybe less) NOTHING! Nothing makes women hoes! So any man who wants to label a woman a hoe, for whatever reason, is just like the person who doesn’t understand why there is no such thing as”Reverse Racism.” & if you can so easily put that label on our women without realizing that whatever they are is a reflection of us then you my friend don’t even realize that by calling her a hoe you’ve just called all other men & more importantly yourself, a piece of sh*t!

You know what ladies, I get it. It’s not hard to figure out why you lash out at men on your posts. Not hard to understand why you distrust men especially when they aren’t honest with you about what they’re intentions are.

I can appreciate your anger over feeling that you’re being used.

Your contempt for men who only know how to take, take, take from you but never give an inch.

The ones that start off their conversations with “I’m not like every other guy” when their trying to run game on you only to have you fall into their trap & turn out to be 10 times worse then anything you ever endured before them.

I can almost see the suffering in your words when you’re bashing someone specific on your posts knowing that you gave away a piece of you you can never get back.

& as time goes on & history repeats itself, the biggest lie gets told to kick you when you’re down & keep you there. You get called a (slut, ho, whore, thot) or whatever word it is that society is using these days to degrade women, into believing their “promiscuous” behavior is not only unacceptable but their fault. Talk about gaslighting to the quadrillionth degree!!

Because I’m sure every woman (when setting her goals) sat down & said: ‘you know, I want to sleep with over 10 men or I want to have multiple “baby daddys so that I can be looked down upon & judged as a whore by society.

Of course that’s not what happened. But it’s so much easier to blame women then it is to acknowledge the real problem which is women giving their hearts away at different points in their lives only to have it blow up in their face over & over again & have to hold it down on their own.

& yet despite all their flaws, they persist. Yet despite all their struggles they move forward. Yet despite all the games men play, they forgive. & yet despite all the odds stacked against them, they are willing to give love another chance.

So go ahead & use your platform to address men however you see fit because in this society changes only comes when enough voices are heard & I get it.

So 2 days ago, on Sunday, before the Super Bowl game got under way, I put up a post saying I wanted the Philadelphia Eagles to win. Not that I wanted them to win because I had money on the game or anything like that, but that I was actually rooting for them to win. Heck, I even went as far as congratulating the Eagles after they won & saying we could finally elevate them off of red-headed step-child status. 🤣 I was joking about that by the way. They’re still on red-headed step-child status. I’ve just adjusted like older step-siblings tend to do & decided to stop picking on them as much! 😎

But as you guys can imagine, me being a Giants fan, I caught some heat from other Giants fans for saying I was rooting for the Eagles to win. Not real heat but a couple of “how could you be rooting for the Eagles to win when they’re in our division?!” Or “I can understand if you were rooting for the Patriots to win since we beat them twice in the Super Bowl so who cares if they win a sixth! Or “ I can understand if you didn’t root for either team because the Eagles are in our division & everyone who isn’t a Patriot fan hates them! But to actually root for the Eagles? No way!”

All valid points. I’ve said the same things myself about disliking the Patriots who along with the Cowboys are the 2 teams I dislike the most, not just in football but in all (🏈, ⚾️ , 🏀,& 🏒) sports. So maybe rooting for no one should’ve been the way to go. But I stand by my decision to root for the Eagles & here’s why.

I don’t hate the Eagles as most Giants fans do, it’s true. & regardless of whether the Giants have beaten the Patriots twice in the Super Bowl or not, I dislike them more than I dislike the Eagles. But neither of those reasons by themselves are why I rooted for the Eagles. They were just bonuses. The primary reason I was rooting for the Eagles was history. You heard me right, history.

Now before the game I googled the teams who had not won a Super Bowl in their history (knowing full well the Eagles were on it) looking to see if what I suspected was accurate, and it was. What I was looking for was to see if there were any Divisions in football that could claim that every team in that Division had won a Super Bowl. As I suspected, there was not. No Division in football, before Sunday Night’s Super Bowl win by the Eagles, could make that claim.

(& to be clear, I researched all the different alignments the NFL has gone through since both the Super Bowl came into existence & since the AFL merged with the NFL & still found nothing.)

A small milestone maybe, but I’ll take it. Especially since the NFC East has for years had the perception of being the the toughest Division in the League to play against. Now it may not seem like that’s been the case over the last few years but more often than not it seems as if the NFC East is, if not the toughest Division to play against, then definitely one of the toughest.

So kudos to the 🦅 for making us the first Division in football to be able to say that every team in our division has won at least one Super Bowl. As a Giants fan it gave me a good reason to cheer for you guys. A nice nugget & small history-making moment. But just so you know, in my eyes, you’re still the red-headed step-child of our Division. You’re just our red-headed step child! 😂🤣😂🤣