Mr. Valentine, I know we are less than 24 hours away from your big day & I truly am sorry to bother you on such short notice. However, I have matters of the heart I need to lay bare & my understanding is that this is your area of expertise. Since your time is limited I will try to be brief but please, don’t lose your patience with me; for though my soul is abhorred & my love despised, my intentions are sincere.

To make clear that I have no hidden agenda, I will submit now that I am & will be single during your visit this time around. That being said, I only wish to engage you on your vast knowledge & firm grasp on love & the secret to your success. Success that has followed you since long before I ever came into existence. Hence, why I was felt I needed an audience with you to seek your counsel.

So tell me Mr. Valentine, what wisdom can you impart to me about my woes? What hidden gems can you share from your treasure box to help me feel less inadequate about all aspects of love? What thoughtful & insightful words can you embrace me with to help me overcome this never ending feeling of worthlessness when it comes to matters of the heart?

I know your time is valuable Mr. Valentine but with your impeccable reputation on all things love I figured you could snap your fingers & give me all the answers I seek in a jiffy & still have all your 24 hours to put on your extravagant display in all its splendor. I figured…Mr. Valentine? Mr. Valentine where are you going? Why are you leaving?…what do you mean you have no time for my silly inquiries? Too busy to help me out on the one thing you are most renowned for?

I see what’s happening here. You’re not refusing to help me because you’re too busy Mr. Valentine. You’re getting away from me as quickly as possible because my questions expose you for who you really are; actually for who you’re really not. & we wouldn’t want to burst that facade that you’ve worked so hard to build up & maintain, hey Mr. Valentine.

See for all the magic & mystique enshrined in your “success” the only thing you’re actually great at is sounding a loud horn in front of you (ads, commercials, repetition) in anticipation of your arrival. You keep your visit short (24 hours) as you make your way down to the land of the downtrodden waving hello, giving us treats (candy, flowers, cards, trips, etc,) & blowing us kisses as you go by knowing that many of us will eat it all up & be satisfied with your mere presence.

There is no room for inquiries of love built on layers requiring nuance to explore. That would bring the whole house of cards crashing down on your head & we couldn’t have that. Besides, who doesn’t appreciate the notion that you got off your perch & got on your high horse just to come down & feed the peasants the scraps off your table for one day all the while leaving us to our own devices for the other 364 days. I mean I love a good fairytale too.

What’s that Mr. Valentine? I’m just bitter because I’m not in a relationship this time around & I’m taking out all my frustration about that on you? Oh contraire Mr. Valentine. I’m not frustrated at all. Truth be told, I’ve been in a relationship 22 out of the last 28 times (my entire adult life) you’ve come to visit & I have felt the same way about you practically the entire time. But this isn’t about me.

To be clear Mr. Valentine I hold no hatred, contempt nor disgust for you at all. I don’t dislike you nor do do I bear you any ill will. I asked for this meeting simply because I needed to lay bare, not my inadequacies nor feelings of worthlessness, though I assure you they do exist. But rather, the illusion & delusion you have chosen to embrace yourself in, hoping that spectacle of your grandiosity would be enough to leave the truth of you unnoticed.

& the truth about you Mr. Valentine is & always has been that you,sir, are not love. You sir, are a warm & fuzzy, feel good plot device invented & brought out at the proper time to keep us all asleep. & I would rather have all my struggles, inadequacies & feelings of worthlessness in love over the 364 days (365 on leap year) you’re not with us than to allow myself any comfort in the 1 day participation of your falsehood.